Switching Witches by Robyn Peterman

Author:Robyn Peterman [Peterman, Robyn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Robyn Peterman

Chapter Twelve

“Did you know that a pig orgasms for thirty minutes?” Sassy asked as we trudged through the woods looking for the X.

No one said anything because there wasn’t much to say. The map Zorro had given us was vague and we were all frustrated. I could feel the magic in the air, but it was elusive and strange. However, I did feel safe in the woods surrounded by the magnificent towering trees. I wondered briefly if I could call to the trees, but my BFF’s incessant yacking made it hard to think. Sassy had been educating us for the last thirty minutes with information she’d learned on Animal Planet. At this rate, I was going to disconnect her cable when we got home. Only Jeeves appeared interested and proud of the mostly gag-inducing facts his mate was spewing.

“A cockroach can live for nine days without its head before it starves to death,” she pointed out as she ran smack dab into an enormous tree. “Dang it. That smarts.”

“Youse is kiddin’ me,” Fat Bastard said as he, Jango Fett and Boba Fett appeared in a blast silver magic and smoke. “I wanna be a fuckin’ pig.”

I screamed. Sassy jumped so high she ran right back into the tree. Mac swore and Jeeves just laughed.

“Where have you fat asses been and how did you find us?” I demanded, with my hand over my rapidly beating heart. We were in the middle of thick woods about an hour outside of Lexington. I was pretty sure the dorks could track me, but I usually heard them coming.

“So youse decided to be a girl again?” Fat Bastard inquired accusingly, as he settled his porcine ass on a bed of pine needles and lifted his leg high in preparation for a nad lick.

“What are you talking about?” I snapped as I waved my hand and dressed his bottom half in a cement diaper so he couldn’t get to his giggle berries.

“When youse ignored us and pretended youse didn’t know who we was, weese figured dat was a sign,” Boba Fett explained as he gave me a pissy glare.

“A sign for what?” I asked, not following the story or their reasoning. Not that I ever could truly follow what was going on in their warped kitty minds.

Jango just hissed. Apparently, he wasn’t speaking to me. WTF?

“You dumbasses better tell me what’s going on right now,” I told them. “I have a lot of shit on my plate and I have no time for cryptic crap.”

“Zelda is speaking German,” Sassy told my pissed off cats. “She didn’t really mean shit on a plate. However, since we were at a poop convention this morning, she could have meant shit on a plate—which would be all kinds of fucking gross. But the shit—shit being a Canadian word…”

“Youse said Zelda was speaking German,” Fat Bastard said, perplexed.

“She was,” Sassy said with an eye roll. “German and Canadian are practically the same. It’s easy to get the accents confused. Anyhoo, the

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